[everything about kuya is hypnotizing - magnetic and drawing olivine's attention with the same hunger he devotes to the outside world that has always seemed just out of reach. he really is trapped in a cage somewhat of his own making - or rather, the making of the expectation of others placed upon his shoulders. he's been inflexible in his need to obey them to the letter all this time - his only solace was fantasizing about what more was out there, devouring book after book of adventure and knowledge so meticulous he could try and live vicariously through it. for awhile it had been enough to stave off the worst of his daydreams, to weave details into the magical stories and fairytales he shared with the children visiting the temple.
that to grew into a rebellious sort of expression - stories about a lonely figure thrust unexpectedly into a duty or a role before embracing their truth and living happily ever after. sometimes it was difficult not to yearn to make it real, to stop being the storyteller on the outside looking in and find a way to write his own adventures.
and then along came eiden. if it wasn't for him...sometimes olivine dreads thinking what would have become of the temple or his own mindset. it was only a matter of time before something dangerous and out of his control happened, and the guilt he'd have felt at someone getting hurt from his own selfish and misguided attempts at evading his duties would have been all-consuming. the farther away he is from it the more cowardly it seems at times - why couldn't he have just stood up to his father? found a way to broaden his horizons while offering help to those in need outside the small radius of the water territory? even if his parents didn't understand...he needed to use his own voice eventually.
like now.
now when he's being offered not only the cloying sweetness of smoke tinged with bitter herb that unfurls from kuya's mouth with each casual comment on his motivations. olivine's fingers delicately grip the pipe, uncertain what's contained within and never having smoke something before - but one look at kuya while he seemingly reaches inside olivine's very psyche and plucks away at him piece by piece makes him want to comply with whatever he's offered here. he brings it to his lips slowly, taking a very small and careful inhale and holding it in the same manner kuya does - or at least he gives a solid attempt before cupping a hand over his mouth and covering a light cough as the scratchy texture of smoke burns down his throat. his eyes water slightly as he tries to put on a brave face and not look foolish or naive - like a first-timer, even though that's exactly what he is in more ways than one.
all he knows is that he'd do just about anything for more of the dangerously delightful praise kuya showers him with at the end, silky and intoxicating.]
Pleasure isn't a sin for those who are allowed it - I know. I've encouraged many a parishioner not to feel ashamed at admitting their desires to those they love. But pleasure distracts from the holy gifts I've been bestowed upon by the God of Klein.
I can't...
[olivine's brows knit together, teeth worrying at his lower lip as his gaze falls sidelong while he tries to find the words.]
I couldn't give in to simple pleasure without reason.
[eiden.]
But I've experienced pain that still filled me with the same sensation - as if they were intertwined somehow.
[olivine sucks in a breath, slowly working open the collar of his vestments and unzipping the cropped jacket that hangs just over his gem. kuya wouldn't know about his piercings - at least not until he opens both sides and bares himself as if from his very soul.]
I want more of it - to punish myself, yes, but with the inevitable pleasure it leads to....I'll also receive the divine blessing of forgiveness and salvation.
[maybe some would call it a loophole. olivine glances back up at kuya, swallowing thickly and tugging his jacket back over himself without fastening it - quick to add:] I'm still only human, priesthood or not.
no subject
that to grew into a rebellious sort of expression - stories about a lonely figure thrust unexpectedly into a duty or a role before embracing their truth and living happily ever after. sometimes it was difficult not to yearn to make it real, to stop being the storyteller on the outside looking in and find a way to write his own adventures.
and then along came eiden. if it wasn't for him...sometimes olivine dreads thinking what would have become of the temple or his own mindset. it was only a matter of time before something dangerous and out of his control happened, and the guilt he'd have felt at someone getting hurt from his own selfish and misguided attempts at evading his duties would have been all-consuming. the farther away he is from it the more cowardly it seems at times - why couldn't he have just stood up to his father? found a way to broaden his horizons while offering help to those in need outside the small radius of the water territory? even if his parents didn't understand...he needed to use his own voice eventually.
like now.
now when he's being offered not only the cloying sweetness of smoke tinged with bitter herb that unfurls from kuya's mouth with each casual comment on his motivations. olivine's fingers delicately grip the pipe, uncertain what's contained within and never having smoke something before - but one look at kuya while he seemingly reaches inside olivine's very psyche and plucks away at him piece by piece makes him want to comply with whatever he's offered here. he brings it to his lips slowly, taking a very small and careful inhale and holding it in the same manner kuya does - or at least he gives a solid attempt before cupping a hand over his mouth and covering a light cough as the scratchy texture of smoke burns down his throat. his eyes water slightly as he tries to put on a brave face and not look foolish or naive - like a first-timer, even though that's exactly what he is in more ways than one.
all he knows is that he'd do just about anything for more of the dangerously delightful praise kuya showers him with at the end, silky and intoxicating.]
Pleasure isn't a sin for those who are allowed it - I know. I've encouraged many a parishioner not to feel ashamed at admitting their desires to those they love. But pleasure distracts from the holy gifts I've been bestowed upon by the God of Klein.
I can't...
[olivine's brows knit together, teeth worrying at his lower lip as his gaze falls sidelong while he tries to find the words.]
I couldn't give in to simple pleasure without reason.
[eiden.]
But I've experienced pain that still filled me with the same sensation - as if they were intertwined somehow.
[olivine sucks in a breath, slowly working open the collar of his vestments and unzipping the cropped jacket that hangs just over his gem. kuya wouldn't know about his piercings - at least not until he opens both sides and bares himself as if from his very soul.]
I want more of it - to punish myself, yes, but with the inevitable pleasure it leads to....I'll also receive the divine blessing of forgiveness and salvation.
[maybe some would call it a loophole. olivine glances back up at kuya, swallowing thickly and tugging his jacket back over himself without fastening it - quick to add:] I'm still only human, priesthood or not.