[good boy....that's something to unpack later. but it's definitely best they don't do this somewhere any of the other clan members or familiars can walk in at any moment.]
That's very considerate of you. I think it would be best.
You'll ah - send the mist to lead the way, won't you?
[there's a part of him that's anxious when it surrounds him with its cloying scent and whisks him away - wondering if he's about to be subject to some trick or illusion that will make him think on the choices he's made since leaving the temple and fall back into his dark despair.
but there's another part of him that's downright excited about the unknown of such a character - one of the few whose tricky behavior and downright rude rebuttals have had the rare effect of making olivine's blood boil, especially when it's at the expense of or questions eiden's integrity. kuya is the one he's spent the least amount of time with at aster's manor, and he supposes it's only natural to be drawn to something unknown to unravel the mystery behind it.
and unlike kuya or some of the other clan members, olivine never met the man responsible for the glistening peridot gemstone currently embedded into his navel and peeking out from under his half-zipped jacket. he must seem terribly young and naive in comparison to someone like the fox yokai - but it wouldn't be the first time he's been underestimated. kuya's adamant beliefs about eiden have made it more than clear he holds the grand sorcerer huey in high esteem and has no patience for an impostor. but from what olivine has heard from mr. quincy and everyone besides aster and morvay...perhaps he wasn't quite so kind or worthy of such high praise in the first place considering the way he all but abandoned every single one of them.
the mist deposits him at the threshold in the blink of an eye, almost as quick as it surrounded him in the first place. he knocks lightly on the door to be polite, even though he knows no one else should be here right now. would kuya really do something as cruel as go back on his word and invite a spectator? or reveal just what the point of this little visit is going to end up being after all. his voice sounds smaller among the dissipating mist, about as hesitant as he feels right now.]
[ all told, kuya doesn't expect olivine to follow through. no one in the manor would fault him for cold feet in the eleventh hour, and as far as kuya's seen, those are the only opinions that matter. it's almost a pleasant surprise to hear olivine at his door, but kuya still takes his time to answer -- sweeping from his armchair, folding his book shut and replacing it on a shelf, carefully adjusting his immaculate robes on the way to the door -- ever the languid and immovable spirit of the forest. olivine can watch his slow progress through the mottled glass of the door's port window. maddening, perhaps, but--
kuya's smile is all cool serenity when the door finally creaks open. for a few moments, he says nothing; his gaze slides down olivine's body appraisingly, dripping like toxic ooze from head to toe, before he turns and motions for olivine to follow him inside. ]
Welcome, Father. Please leave your shoes at the door.
[ the place is all neatly-ordered chaos in lush jewel tones. shelves and flat surfaces are precariously organized with assorted curios and oddities -- playing cards, statues of all sizes and shapes, glass baubles and patterned bottles in impossible colors, paper animals and wooden machines, books upon books upon books, and still there's more to see -- and delicate lanterns hang in varying lengths from the exposed rafters to cast everything in a dreamy glow. and in one corner near the groaning bookshelves, the plush armchair that kuya folds himself back into. ]
Have a seat. [ kuya motions to a vivid pouf beside his chair. ] We have some things to discuss before we begin.
[watching the elegant figure rise and take a leisurely pace to reach him through the blurred glass must be yet another tactic meant to force him to sit in his own choice of coming here just a little longer - to let the waves of uneasiness keep washing over him until they crest and drown him from the inside out. or maybe it's because kuya has already read him as easily as one of the fairytales he shares with the children at the temple - maybe it only took a few simple exchanges for him to realize that there's a secret thrill buzzing along those same nerves and lighting up the place his hidden, dark desires stem from with the idea that maybe, just maybe someone else will see it and understand it. it's more than even eiden has explored beyond the surface of in olivine, and the guilt that mixes in with the rest of his apprehension only adds another deliciously torturous layer to it.
he knows he should be ashamed to even be thinking of such things, but if it's anything like what kuya had promised...how could he not connect the dots? there are some days where even the smallest of words, actions, even glances have him thinking the most inappropriate alternatives. it's a small miracle he's managed to repress quite so much of it this long - to maintain his essence levels and tamp it down to hidden depths no one in the water territory ever noticed.
is it wrong that all along...maybe that's what he's wanted? to be seen and understood?
the door opens, greeting him with a flash of a fanged tooth and the drag of mismatched eyes down the length of his body that has olivine feeling a lick of uncomfortable heat under his skin, an itch that instinctively wants to be scratched. kuya's voice is like silk, a quiet request that feels much more like a command as olivine nods and toes out of his shoes before carefully leaving them just within the space of the foyer. to say the place is simply eclectic feels like a disservice to the wide array of trinkets that all seem to have their place - in a way, olivine almost finds it endearing in wondering if they were all given as gifts or are simply an expression of kuya's varied tastes. some of these must be years, maybe even decades old, rich with history and stories he can only dream of. and he cannot imagine a man - no, a yokai and a tricky one at that - letting any of these items simply have been placed here by chance.
and yet somehow, olivine feels he's the most delicate thing here - every step closer to the seat he's been offered only cementing it. he carefully lowers himself, legs bent to one side as he angles his body towards his gracious host and tips his chin up to lock eyes and respond to him as confidently as he can.]
Thank you for inviting me to such a lovely home, Mr. Kuya.
[it dissipates all too quickly as he swallows thickly, eyes casting downward for a moment before looking back up through his lashes and biting his lip absently.]
[ As a counterpoint, Kuya appears for all the world as if nothing could bother him. He mirrors Olivine with disarming ease; angles himself toward the priest and tucks his legs up to one side of the armchair cushions. Humans trust more easily when their own movements are parroted. Kuya read that somewhere -- long ago, in one of Huey's tomes, perhaps -- and adopted it into his repertoire whenever it served his purpose. After all, he's nothing if not calculating, and when every movement is still long and loping and reminiscent of his beast beneath, he needs all the help he can get.
There's a small table to the sid of their seats, a laquered tray laid upon it with a few sundries: a chipped stoneware tea set, a long pipe, and an uncapped porcelain jar of potent herb. Kuya attends to the tea first, pouring them each a cup while he tuts quietly. ]
That won't do. I won't harm you. Well-- Not to any extent you'd dislike, in any case. But I would like your input first.
[ The young master didn't get the courtesy of choice in these matters. He had crimes to answer for, and no illusion of safety would help him learn. There are laws in these woods, creatures to be respected, and some far more terrifying than Kuya. In a way, he paid Eiden a mercy. The priest, however?
The dear father's only crime is remaining trapped by his own humanity. Kuya looks at him -- through him -- and sees a man bound tightly by a web chosen for him, but longing for the basest taste of freedom. The things he could do, the boon he could be, if only he learned to temper that destructive restraint! Charismatic and beloved as he is, he could positively ascend, and the mere notion of that chaos is delicious. ]
Talk with me. [ Kuya pushes a cup of tea into Olivine's hands, and sips at his own when he's settled again. ] You say you want to understand what it means to be at the mercy of someone stronger. What does that look like to you? What do you imagine when you think of it?
[it's a successful movement - drawing olivine to lean in even closer like a flower seeking sunlight to thrive. maybe that's what will happen if he succumbs to the magnetism that kuya seems to have over him: he'll release the things he's buried deep for so long and learn what it feels like to thrive and live unencumbered and unburdened with guilt or shame. wouldn't that be lovely? he knows it must appear impossibly naive to just offer himself like some sacrificial lamb, to have shown enough of himself to let kuya hook and reel him in...but it's that same uncertainty spiral into the unknown that thrills olivine the core no matter how tense or nervous he might seem right now. he's exactly where he wants to be - well, almost. but he suspects by the end of it he'll get there all the same.
olivine finds himself with a steaming cup of tea pressed into his hands, a heavenly aroma wafting upward mixed with whatever the earthy substance is in the jar near kuya's pipe. maybe he should ask what any of it is first, but it's a kindness and a generous offering that he blows lightly on before taking a hot sip of tea and hoping it will soothe his nerves. it's a great gift he's being offered if he could look past that same humanity kuya is thinking of - indeed, a web of guilt and the expectations of his duty heavy on his shoulders.
silence hangs between them for a moment longer than is strictly comfortable while olivine tries to gather his thoughts and answer him truthfully - to pick up on that hint of good harm kuya is so graciously dangling before him.]
I...
[he licks his lips, swallowing thickly around a sudden dryness in his throat before taking another sip of his tea. maybe if he pretends it's filled with the sweetness of a truth serum he could do this more easily. when he was about his brother's age, there's a very vivid memory that feels a lot like this moment. olivine remembers standing at the edge of what felt like infinity - a tall, rocky edge looming over the beautiful lake that shone brilliantly under the beating sun. he remembers the way his toes wiggled at the jagged end of solid ground, testing what it might feel like to take a plunge off the edge and dive headfirst into that gorgeous abyss. it took a great deal to pluck up the courage, but eventually he did just that - laughing and splashing in the water after feeling so brave at conquering the fear of the unknown. years later he realized it wasn't quite as high as his memory made this cliff, but the sense of accomplishment and fond smile it still brings to his lips in passing is forever.
sitting here, about to confess his deepest desires...this is like standing on that precipice all over again and not knowing if he'll make it into the inviting expanse below.
what does he want? what does he think about?]
I want...to endure whatever comes with it. I want to feel powerless of my own choosing. I - there are things I haven't even told Eiden about what I want.
[he doesn't think eiden would turn him away, but everything is still so new and it's...a lot pent up to unleash on someone.]
I think I want it to hurt. I want to stop locking away the fear of shame or humiliation for something everyone else is allowed to want, something that I shouldn't...only because what was chosen for me prevents it.
[he swallows hard again, glancing away and taking a shaky breath.]
[ time means absolutely nothing to kuya. creatures like himself have the luxury of knowing that eternity is at their disposal, and with that knowledge comes a certain unfettered pace. olivine can take all the time he needs to put the proper words to his thoughts. after all, a need can be expressed so much more succinctly when one has the option to truly consider it.
while olivine dithers, kuya attends to his pipe. the methodical motions could be hypnotizing under the right circumstances. there's an aesthetic contrast of deep green beneath his lavender nails, pinching bits of sticky herb from the jar to pack into the bowl of the pipe. even the way he holds it speaks to poise and elegance, long handle cradled delicately at his fingertips while he works on filling the chamber. and when he strikes a match to light it, the bowl sizzles -- crackles like kindling beneath a fire -- around the first slow pull that fills kuya's chest.
he holds until olivine finally explains. or, more accurately, until he confirms the suspicion kuya was leaning into from the very start. with an indulgent smile, kuya passes the pipe to olivine, and then sits back to take more thoughtful stock of the priest. ]
And what gives you the impression that pain will teach you acceptance?
[ smoke curls lazily from between kuya's lips with each word. ]
Don't take me wrong, I'm quite happy to torture you if that's what you'd prefer. But I'm curious how you think this will teach you what your sabbatical from the temple has not.
[ a difficult question for a devout human. but these dogmas twist them wretched; kuya's seen the evidence of that, time and again, and the entertainment inhernet in that hubristic downfall never wanes over the years. but this logic is new. kuya could connect his own dots -- link pain to pleasure and then both become penance -- but olivine's take may be far more illuminating. ]
You must know by now, at least logically, that pleasure is no sin. I might go so far as to argue that pleasure itself is a divinely-gifted thing. So is pain your atonement, or your salvation? Or perhaps simply rebellion? Defiling the body that was devoted to God despite your wishes?
Is it really as simple as controlling the terms of your helplessness? Are you tearing at your very seams for something else? What a beautifully fascinating mystery you are, Your Holiness.
[everything about kuya is hypnotizing - magnetic and drawing olivine's attention with the same hunger he devotes to the outside world that has always seemed just out of reach. he really is trapped in a cage somewhat of his own making - or rather, the making of the expectation of others placed upon his shoulders. he's been inflexible in his need to obey them to the letter all this time - his only solace was fantasizing about what more was out there, devouring book after book of adventure and knowledge so meticulous he could try and live vicariously through it. for awhile it had been enough to stave off the worst of his daydreams, to weave details into the magical stories and fairytales he shared with the children visiting the temple.
that to grew into a rebellious sort of expression - stories about a lonely figure thrust unexpectedly into a duty or a role before embracing their truth and living happily ever after. sometimes it was difficult not to yearn to make it real, to stop being the storyteller on the outside looking in and find a way to write his own adventures.
and then along came eiden. if it wasn't for him...sometimes olivine dreads thinking what would have become of the temple or his own mindset. it was only a matter of time before something dangerous and out of his control happened, and the guilt he'd have felt at someone getting hurt from his own selfish and misguided attempts at evading his duties would have been all-consuming. the farther away he is from it the more cowardly it seems at times - why couldn't he have just stood up to his father? found a way to broaden his horizons while offering help to those in need outside the small radius of the water territory? even if his parents didn't understand...he needed to use his own voice eventually.
like now.
now when he's being offered not only the cloying sweetness of smoke tinged with bitter herb that unfurls from kuya's mouth with each casual comment on his motivations. olivine's fingers delicately grip the pipe, uncertain what's contained within and never having smoke something before - but one look at kuya while he seemingly reaches inside olivine's very psyche and plucks away at him piece by piece makes him want to comply with whatever he's offered here. he brings it to his lips slowly, taking a very small and careful inhale and holding it in the same manner kuya does - or at least he gives a solid attempt before cupping a hand over his mouth and covering a light cough as the scratchy texture of smoke burns down his throat. his eyes water slightly as he tries to put on a brave face and not look foolish or naive - like a first-timer, even though that's exactly what he is in more ways than one.
all he knows is that he'd do just about anything for more of the dangerously delightful praise kuya showers him with at the end, silky and intoxicating.]
Pleasure isn't a sin for those who are allowed it - I know. I've encouraged many a parishioner not to feel ashamed at admitting their desires to those they love. But pleasure distracts from the holy gifts I've been bestowed upon by the God of Klein.
I can't...
[olivine's brows knit together, teeth worrying at his lower lip as his gaze falls sidelong while he tries to find the words.]
I couldn't give in to simple pleasure without reason.
[eiden.]
But I've experienced pain that still filled me with the same sensation - as if they were intertwined somehow.
[olivine sucks in a breath, slowly working open the collar of his vestments and unzipping the cropped jacket that hangs just over his gem. kuya wouldn't know about his piercings - at least not until he opens both sides and bares himself as if from his very soul.]
I want more of it - to punish myself, yes, but with the inevitable pleasure it leads to....I'll also receive the divine blessing of forgiveness and salvation.
[maybe some would call it a loophole. olivine glances back up at kuya, swallowing thickly and tugging his jacket back over himself without fastening it - quick to add:] I'm still only human, priesthood or not.
[ kuya's gaze is slow, calculating. it drags like claws over every piece of skin that's slowly bared to him. one brow rises to a fine arch, mouth twisting into a half-smile behind the lip of his teacup while olivine reveals himself. the piercings are a pleasant surprise. comely, in an infuriating way that kuya isn't immediately expecting. it seems to be a running theme with the priest, taking him off-guard like this. how intriguing; that hasn't happened in ages. so if kuya leans forward for a better look, sly eyes sharp, fingers steepling at either side of his cup? olivine will just have to consider that kuya's god-given right. ]
Well, look at this. [ kuya's tone pitches lush and full in the wake of a quiet -- if slightly sinister -- chuckle. ] His Holiness, more holey than anticipated.
[ what a terrible pun. but kuya's shoulders are still shaking with silent laughter when he reaches between them to take back the pipe for another drag. . ]
Did you do this to yourself? How decorative. Do you embed gems into your chapel walls as well? Shall we make your body like a temple?
[ the chain hangs between olivine's piercings so delicately. deliciously. kuya could wind that chain around his claws. he could pull it tight until olivine's beautiful eyes are brimming with tears. he could let out the slack too slowly for any bit of relief to register. after olivine's explanation -- their little bout of mutual waxing philosophical -- the possibilities are limitless. ]
Pain into pleasure, and pleasure into salvation. Hmm~ [ kuya sucks one more breath from the pipe before passing it to olivine again. ] I think I know exactly how to handle you, Your Holiness. But, since you were kind enough to show me yours, I suppose I can show you mine as well.
[ mutual trust is their goal here, after all. or the illusion of it, at the very least (and insofar as kuya trusts anyone). there's no ceremony to it, nothing extravagant to announce the change. one moment, kuya looks exactly as olivine is accustomed to seeing him; the next, he's sporting two long fox ears, and a large tail curled around the front of his tucked legs. ]
The real question is, how shall I handle you first? I need to know what lines you won't cross so that I can shove you right up against them.
[it doesn't escape his notice that kuya is amused somehow by this revelation of olivine's - that he's lightly mocking, even, with his literal inquiry and his razor-sharp gaze dragging hot over every inch of skin revealed. but that just serves to make him want even more, to offer himself up like the veritable sacrificial lamb to the god of klein himself to be taken and used to the whims of this tricky yokai. the bloom of color along his cheeks only deepens, eyes falling half-lidded at exposing himself like this and letting kuya tease and promise he knows just how to handle him. it's what he's been counting on all along, and the realization that it's within reach of becoming a reality instead of remaining a torturous fantasy has him flushing even deeper, color blooming along the heave of his chest in anticipation.
it almost makes him disappointed that kuya doesn't reach for the chain and start in on him immediately, yank him forward and get straight to it...but something tells olivine that much like everything else in his home, there is an artful method to it. olivine would do just about anything to ensure it.
which brings them around to boundaries, naturally. he knows he should have them, even if it's tempting to give the wily fox carte blanche with his body and his mind, believing real harm couldn't come to him if it was borne of his own obscene desires. before he can even think to answer, however, kuya surprises him with such simplicity it takes his breath away. olivine thinks for the briefest of moments that his eyes are playing tricks on him - that he's imagining the rich color of lavender jutting up in the form of his ears and the plush fur of the tail within his reach. his eyes widen, a small gasp slipping from his lips as he's struck with two very important things in this moment: first, he wants nothing more than to reach forward and touch it, yet he doesn't dare - and second, he's spoken to yakumo and done some researching of his own when it comes to these yokai forms, which is why he knows this is a moment of utmost importance.
trust, yes. if there's anything inauthentic about or strategic about it, naively it doesn't cross olivine's mind.]
It's - beautiful.
[breathed out like one of his intimate blessings in the confines of a confessional, and olivine's eyes may as well be starry with admiration. maybe kuya will scorn him for such impressionability, but he can't help it. he shakes his head slightly, trying to best formulate his thoughts before taking a second inhale of the pipe that goes down much smoother than the first this time before setting it delicately between them.]
I appreciate your - discretion, and for sharing all of this with me. I know...there's no one else with this kind of expertise.
[he swallows thickly, tipping his head in consideration for a few moments on how best to phrase this delicately. it's almost too lewd to utter, but kuya needs to know. instead of just saying so out loud, olivine shifts one knee off the pillows and leans in to whisper in kuya's ear - the non-human one.]
Just like a temple...my body is open to any exploration you desire. I would simply ask...that you don't desecrate it with things that belong in a lavatory.
[he's blushing so fiercely it feels as if his very skin is on fire, like he'll burst with embarrassment any moment, and quickly he feels the need to clarify:]
S-something that was confessed to me by a traveler from a very distant land - I'd never heard of such a thing. Is that...enough for you to begin?
You're quite impatient, Father. Has no one ever cautioned you against it?
[ kuya catches olivine's jaw within the splayed fingers of one hand, claws sharp to bite in -- ever-so-delicate -- at the supple flesh of his cheeks. he angles olivine's face down in his grip, forcing him to watch as kuya reclaims the pipe and sucks in another chest full of smoke. it drifts in misty curls between them when kuya deigns, at last, to tilt his own head up, and evenly meets olivine's waiting gaze while he speaks low and smooth: ]
I fear I shall have to teach you patience the hard way, dear Olivine. But that's a lesson for another day. For now, I need you to open your ears and listen to what I say. This is quite important, and I'll be very cross if you disobey me.
I've decided that you'll be my toy. I'm going to play with you, and I confess that I'm not always gentle with my playthings. I may do things you find unpleasant. I may do things that hurt you. It's the nature of this manner of fun.
[ kuya's index finger drifts up olivine's chin, claw coming to rest against the plush rise of the priest's lower lip. ]
I won't stop for no. If that's a manner of fantasy you wish to indulge in, I want you to have the freedom to do so. So you can scream. You can weep. You can beg me to stop. And I'll laugh as you writhe.
If you truly need me to stop, you must say moon fruit. Not no, or stop, or mercy. Moon fruit. Do you understand, Olivine? Be a good boy and tell me what you'll say if you need me to stop.
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i'm sorry for this bimbo lol
[with an "s"? who else is quincy fuckin out there if it isn't this wily fox???]
I didn't realize the forest was so lively besides the activity of monsters.
Forgive me for thinking it, but...couldn't you simply look elsewhere in such a vast area?
HE'S PRECIOUS come to kuya u sweet babu let him whip u
ok yes tho just say where olivine is the type of freak to get into it (yuh)
[someone. 😇]
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[why did you put this image into his head tho. now he's gonna think about it.]
Is that how it would happen? If it did happen at all?
I suppose it would be a waste of a natural resource otherwise...
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In a fight, of course!
If he has...what is it like to be at the mercy of such strength?
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Would you like me to show you?
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[but.]
But I think I'd like to understand it anyway.
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Would you like to come to my home in the woods? No one in the manor has to know.
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That's very considerate of you. I think it would be best.
You'll ah - send the mist to lead the way, won't you?
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[there's a part of him that's anxious when it surrounds him with its cloying scent and whisks him away - wondering if he's about to be subject to some trick or illusion that will make him think on the choices he's made since leaving the temple and fall back into his dark despair.
but there's another part of him that's downright excited about the unknown of such a character - one of the few whose tricky behavior and downright rude rebuttals have had the rare effect of making olivine's blood boil, especially when it's at the expense of or questions eiden's integrity. kuya is the one he's spent the least amount of time with at aster's manor, and he supposes it's only natural to be drawn to something unknown to unravel the mystery behind it.
and unlike kuya or some of the other clan members, olivine never met the man responsible for the glistening peridot gemstone currently embedded into his navel and peeking out from under his half-zipped jacket. he must seem terribly young and naive in comparison to someone like the fox yokai - but it wouldn't be the first time he's been underestimated. kuya's adamant beliefs about eiden have made it more than clear he holds the grand sorcerer huey in high esteem and has no patience for an impostor. but from what olivine has heard from mr. quincy and everyone besides aster and morvay...perhaps he wasn't quite so kind or worthy of such high praise in the first place considering the way he all but abandoned every single one of them.
the mist deposits him at the threshold in the blink of an eye, almost as quick as it surrounded him in the first place. he knocks lightly on the door to be polite, even though he knows no one else should be here right now. would kuya really do something as cruel as go back on his word and invite a spectator? or reveal just what the point of this little visit is going to end up being after all. his voice sounds smaller among the dissipating mist, about as hesitant as he feels right now.]
Mr. Kuya? It's Olivine.
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kuya's smile is all cool serenity when the door finally creaks open. for a few moments, he says nothing; his gaze slides down olivine's body appraisingly, dripping like toxic ooze from head to toe, before he turns and motions for olivine to follow him inside. ]
Welcome, Father. Please leave your shoes at the door.
[ the place is all neatly-ordered chaos in lush jewel tones. shelves and flat surfaces are precariously organized with assorted curios and oddities -- playing cards, statues of all sizes and shapes, glass baubles and patterned bottles in impossible colors, paper animals and wooden machines, books upon books upon books, and still there's more to see -- and delicate lanterns hang in varying lengths from the exposed rafters to cast everything in a dreamy glow. and in one corner near the groaning bookshelves, the plush armchair that kuya folds himself back into. ]
Have a seat. [ kuya motions to a vivid pouf beside his chair. ] We have some things to discuss before we begin.
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he knows he should be ashamed to even be thinking of such things, but if it's anything like what kuya had promised...how could he not connect the dots? there are some days where even the smallest of words, actions, even glances have him thinking the most inappropriate alternatives. it's a small miracle he's managed to repress quite so much of it this long - to maintain his essence levels and tamp it down to hidden depths no one in the water territory ever noticed.
is it wrong that all along...maybe that's what he's wanted? to be seen and understood?
the door opens, greeting him with a flash of a fanged tooth and the drag of mismatched eyes down the length of his body that has olivine feeling a lick of uncomfortable heat under his skin, an itch that instinctively wants to be scratched. kuya's voice is like silk, a quiet request that feels much more like a command as olivine nods and toes out of his shoes before carefully leaving them just within the space of the foyer. to say the place is simply eclectic feels like a disservice to the wide array of trinkets that all seem to have their place - in a way, olivine almost finds it endearing in wondering if they were all given as gifts or are simply an expression of kuya's varied tastes. some of these must be years, maybe even decades old, rich with history and stories he can only dream of. and he cannot imagine a man - no, a yokai and a tricky one at that - letting any of these items simply have been placed here by chance.
and yet somehow, olivine feels he's the most delicate thing here - every step closer to the seat he's been offered only cementing it. he carefully lowers himself, legs bent to one side as he angles his body towards his gracious host and tips his chin up to lock eyes and respond to him as confidently as he can.]
Thank you for inviting me to such a lovely home, Mr. Kuya.
[it dissipates all too quickly as he swallows thickly, eyes casting downward for a moment before looking back up through his lashes and biting his lip absently.]
And what - exactly would that be?
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[ As a counterpoint, Kuya appears for all the world as if nothing could bother him. He mirrors Olivine with disarming ease; angles himself toward the priest and tucks his legs up to one side of the armchair cushions. Humans trust more easily when their own movements are parroted. Kuya read that somewhere -- long ago, in one of Huey's tomes, perhaps -- and adopted it into his repertoire whenever it served his purpose. After all, he's nothing if not calculating, and when every movement is still long and loping and reminiscent of his beast beneath, he needs all the help he can get.
There's a small table to the sid of their seats, a laquered tray laid upon it with a few sundries: a chipped stoneware tea set, a long pipe, and an uncapped porcelain jar of potent herb. Kuya attends to the tea first, pouring them each a cup while he tuts quietly. ]
That won't do. I won't harm you. Well-- Not to any extent you'd dislike, in any case. But I would like your input first.
[ The young master didn't get the courtesy of choice in these matters. He had crimes to answer for, and no illusion of safety would help him learn. There are laws in these woods, creatures to be respected, and some far more terrifying than Kuya. In a way, he paid Eiden a mercy. The priest, however?
The dear father's only crime is remaining trapped by his own humanity. Kuya looks at him -- through him -- and sees a man bound tightly by a web chosen for him, but longing for the basest taste of freedom. The things he could do, the boon he could be, if only he learned to temper that destructive restraint! Charismatic and beloved as he is, he could positively ascend, and the mere notion of that chaos is delicious. ]
Talk with me. [ Kuya pushes a cup of tea into Olivine's hands, and sips at his own when he's settled again. ] You say you want to understand what it means to be at the mercy of someone stronger. What does that look like to you? What do you imagine when you think of it?
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olivine finds himself with a steaming cup of tea pressed into his hands, a heavenly aroma wafting upward mixed with whatever the earthy substance is in the jar near kuya's pipe. maybe he should ask what any of it is first, but it's a kindness and a generous offering that he blows lightly on before taking a hot sip of tea and hoping it will soothe his nerves. it's a great gift he's being offered if he could look past that same humanity kuya is thinking of - indeed, a web of guilt and the expectations of his duty heavy on his shoulders.
silence hangs between them for a moment longer than is strictly comfortable while olivine tries to gather his thoughts and answer him truthfully - to pick up on that hint of good harm kuya is so graciously dangling before him.]
I...
[he licks his lips, swallowing thickly around a sudden dryness in his throat before taking another sip of his tea. maybe if he pretends it's filled with the sweetness of a truth serum he could do this more easily. when he was about his brother's age, there's a very vivid memory that feels a lot like this moment. olivine remembers standing at the edge of what felt like infinity - a tall, rocky edge looming over the beautiful lake that shone brilliantly under the beating sun. he remembers the way his toes wiggled at the jagged end of solid ground, testing what it might feel like to take a plunge off the edge and dive headfirst into that gorgeous abyss. it took a great deal to pluck up the courage, but eventually he did just that - laughing and splashing in the water after feeling so brave at conquering the fear of the unknown. years later he realized it wasn't quite as high as his memory made this cliff, but the sense of accomplishment and fond smile it still brings to his lips in passing is forever.
sitting here, about to confess his deepest desires...this is like standing on that precipice all over again and not knowing if he'll make it into the inviting expanse below.
what does he want? what does he think about?]
I want...to endure whatever comes with it. I want to feel powerless of my own choosing. I - there are things I haven't even told Eiden about what I want.
[he doesn't think eiden would turn him away, but everything is still so new and it's...a lot pent up to unleash on someone.]
I think I want it to hurt. I want to stop locking away the fear of shame or humiliation for something everyone else is allowed to want, something that I shouldn't...only because what was chosen for me prevents it.
[he swallows hard again, glancing away and taking a shaky breath.]
Is there anything else you'd like to know?
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while olivine dithers, kuya attends to his pipe. the methodical motions could be hypnotizing under the right circumstances. there's an aesthetic contrast of deep green beneath his lavender nails, pinching bits of sticky herb from the jar to pack into the bowl of the pipe. even the way he holds it speaks to poise and elegance, long handle cradled delicately at his fingertips while he works on filling the chamber. and when he strikes a match to light it, the bowl sizzles -- crackles like kindling beneath a fire -- around the first slow pull that fills kuya's chest.
he holds until olivine finally explains. or, more accurately, until he confirms the suspicion kuya was leaning into from the very start. with an indulgent smile, kuya passes the pipe to olivine, and then sits back to take more thoughtful stock of the priest. ]
And what gives you the impression that pain will teach you acceptance?
[ smoke curls lazily from between kuya's lips with each word. ]
Don't take me wrong, I'm quite happy to torture you if that's what you'd prefer. But I'm curious how you think this will teach you what your sabbatical from the temple has not.
[ a difficult question for a devout human. but these dogmas twist them wretched; kuya's seen the evidence of that, time and again, and the entertainment inhernet in that hubristic downfall never wanes over the years. but this logic is new. kuya could connect his own dots -- link pain to pleasure and then both become penance -- but olivine's take may be far more illuminating. ]
You must know by now, at least logically, that pleasure is no sin. I might go so far as to argue that pleasure itself is a divinely-gifted thing. So is pain your atonement, or your salvation? Or perhaps simply rebellion? Defiling the body that was devoted to God despite your wishes?
Is it really as simple as controlling the terms of your helplessness? Are you tearing at your very seams for something else? What a beautifully fascinating mystery you are, Your Holiness.
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that to grew into a rebellious sort of expression - stories about a lonely figure thrust unexpectedly into a duty or a role before embracing their truth and living happily ever after. sometimes it was difficult not to yearn to make it real, to stop being the storyteller on the outside looking in and find a way to write his own adventures.
and then along came eiden. if it wasn't for him...sometimes olivine dreads thinking what would have become of the temple or his own mindset. it was only a matter of time before something dangerous and out of his control happened, and the guilt he'd have felt at someone getting hurt from his own selfish and misguided attempts at evading his duties would have been all-consuming. the farther away he is from it the more cowardly it seems at times - why couldn't he have just stood up to his father? found a way to broaden his horizons while offering help to those in need outside the small radius of the water territory? even if his parents didn't understand...he needed to use his own voice eventually.
like now.
now when he's being offered not only the cloying sweetness of smoke tinged with bitter herb that unfurls from kuya's mouth with each casual comment on his motivations. olivine's fingers delicately grip the pipe, uncertain what's contained within and never having smoke something before - but one look at kuya while he seemingly reaches inside olivine's very psyche and plucks away at him piece by piece makes him want to comply with whatever he's offered here. he brings it to his lips slowly, taking a very small and careful inhale and holding it in the same manner kuya does - or at least he gives a solid attempt before cupping a hand over his mouth and covering a light cough as the scratchy texture of smoke burns down his throat. his eyes water slightly as he tries to put on a brave face and not look foolish or naive - like a first-timer, even though that's exactly what he is in more ways than one.
all he knows is that he'd do just about anything for more of the dangerously delightful praise kuya showers him with at the end, silky and intoxicating.]
Pleasure isn't a sin for those who are allowed it - I know. I've encouraged many a parishioner not to feel ashamed at admitting their desires to those they love. But pleasure distracts from the holy gifts I've been bestowed upon by the God of Klein.
I can't...
[olivine's brows knit together, teeth worrying at his lower lip as his gaze falls sidelong while he tries to find the words.]
I couldn't give in to simple pleasure without reason.
[eiden.]
But I've experienced pain that still filled me with the same sensation - as if they were intertwined somehow.
[olivine sucks in a breath, slowly working open the collar of his vestments and unzipping the cropped jacket that hangs just over his gem. kuya wouldn't know about his piercings - at least not until he opens both sides and bares himself as if from his very soul.]
I want more of it - to punish myself, yes, but with the inevitable pleasure it leads to....I'll also receive the divine blessing of forgiveness and salvation.
[maybe some would call it a loophole. olivine glances back up at kuya, swallowing thickly and tugging his jacket back over himself without fastening it - quick to add:] I'm still only human, priesthood or not.
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Well, look at this. [ kuya's tone pitches lush and full in the wake of a quiet -- if slightly sinister -- chuckle. ] His Holiness, more holey than anticipated.
[ what a terrible pun. but kuya's shoulders are still shaking with silent laughter when he reaches between them to take back the pipe for another drag. . ]
Did you do this to yourself? How decorative. Do you embed gems into your chapel walls as well? Shall we make your body like a temple?
[ the chain hangs between olivine's piercings so delicately. deliciously. kuya could wind that chain around his claws. he could pull it tight until olivine's beautiful eyes are brimming with tears. he could let out the slack too slowly for any bit of relief to register. after olivine's explanation -- their little bout of mutual waxing philosophical -- the possibilities are limitless. ]
Pain into pleasure, and pleasure into salvation. Hmm~ [ kuya sucks one more breath from the pipe before passing it to olivine again. ] I think I know exactly how to handle you, Your Holiness. But, since you were kind enough to show me yours, I suppose I can show you mine as well.
[ mutual trust is their goal here, after all. or the illusion of it, at the very least (and insofar as kuya trusts anyone). there's no ceremony to it, nothing extravagant to announce the change. one moment, kuya looks exactly as olivine is accustomed to seeing him; the next, he's sporting two long fox ears, and a large tail curled around the front of his tucked legs. ]
The real question is, how shall I handle you first? I need to know what lines you won't cross so that I can shove you right up against them.
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it almost makes him disappointed that kuya doesn't reach for the chain and start in on him immediately, yank him forward and get straight to it...but something tells olivine that much like everything else in his home, there is an artful method to it. olivine would do just about anything to ensure it.
which brings them around to boundaries, naturally. he knows he should have them, even if it's tempting to give the wily fox carte blanche with his body and his mind, believing real harm couldn't come to him if it was borne of his own obscene desires. before he can even think to answer, however, kuya surprises him with such simplicity it takes his breath away. olivine thinks for the briefest of moments that his eyes are playing tricks on him - that he's imagining the rich color of lavender jutting up in the form of his ears and the plush fur of the tail within his reach. his eyes widen, a small gasp slipping from his lips as he's struck with two very important things in this moment: first, he wants nothing more than to reach forward and touch it, yet he doesn't dare - and second, he's spoken to yakumo and done some researching of his own when it comes to these yokai forms, which is why he knows this is a moment of utmost importance.
trust, yes. if there's anything inauthentic about or strategic about it, naively it doesn't cross olivine's mind.]
It's - beautiful.
[breathed out like one of his intimate blessings in the confines of a confessional, and olivine's eyes may as well be starry with admiration. maybe kuya will scorn him for such impressionability, but he can't help it. he shakes his head slightly, trying to best formulate his thoughts before taking a second inhale of the pipe that goes down much smoother than the first this time before setting it delicately between them.]
I appreciate your - discretion, and for sharing all of this with me. I know...there's no one else with this kind of expertise.
[he swallows thickly, tipping his head in consideration for a few moments on how best to phrase this delicately. it's almost too lewd to utter, but kuya needs to know. instead of just saying so out loud, olivine shifts one knee off the pillows and leans in to whisper in kuya's ear - the non-human one.]
Just like a temple...my body is open to any exploration you desire. I would simply ask...that you don't desecrate it with things that belong in a lavatory.
[he's blushing so fiercely it feels as if his very skin is on fire, like he'll burst with embarrassment any moment, and quickly he feels the need to clarify:]
S-something that was confessed to me by a traveler from a very distant land - I'd never heard of such a thing. Is that...enough for you to begin?
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[ kuya catches olivine's jaw within the splayed fingers of one hand, claws sharp to bite in -- ever-so-delicate -- at the supple flesh of his cheeks. he angles olivine's face down in his grip, forcing him to watch as kuya reclaims the pipe and sucks in another chest full of smoke. it drifts in misty curls between them when kuya deigns, at last, to tilt his own head up, and evenly meets olivine's waiting gaze while he speaks low and smooth: ]
I fear I shall have to teach you patience the hard way, dear Olivine. But that's a lesson for another day. For now, I need you to open your ears and listen to what I say. This is quite important, and I'll be very cross if you disobey me.
[ his fingers shift, claws dragging slow beneath olivine's chin. ]
I've decided that you'll be my toy. I'm going to play with you, and I confess that I'm not always gentle with my playthings. I may do things you find unpleasant. I may do things that hurt you. It's the nature of this manner of fun.
[ kuya's index finger drifts up olivine's chin, claw coming to rest against the plush rise of the priest's lower lip. ]
I won't stop for no. If that's a manner of fantasy you wish to indulge in, I want you to have the freedom to do so. So you can scream. You can weep. You can beg me to stop. And I'll laugh as you writhe.
If you truly need me to stop, you must say moon fruit. Not no, or stop, or mercy. Moon fruit. Do you understand, Olivine? Be a good boy and tell me what you'll say if you need me to stop.